A few weeks ago, Jerry and I flew to Houston, Texas to visit our son, John and family. We fly into Hobby Airport and shuttle over to Alamo car rental to pick up our crossover rental. Fortunately, John and family do not live too far from Hobby which means we are not zipping from one freeway to another freeway every five minutes. In fact, we have it down to one highway and then Houston city streets.
As we pulled up in front of their house, parked, turned off the ignition, undid our seat belts, a “pinging” sound continued to ping. I checked everything; ignition off, lights off, ER brake on. Then there was this message blinking on the dashboard, “Remember to check the back seat”. Ah! the “light bulb” (figuratively) went on. I recalled reading news items of instances when an adult left an infant in the child seat in the back seat.
How could one do that? The stress of being too busy, too rushed, too preoccupied.
No doubt many of us have had times when we have been too busy, too rushed to be thinking clearly. Stress does that. We blank out, we may be confused, we forget something; hopefully not another person, young or old.
How do we combat being too stressed, too busy, too distracted? I think each of us has to answer that question personally.
The first question is: What causes you stress? As individuals, stress is personal. We planner types want everything on the list “done!”
I tend to take on too many tasks. My “to do” list is too long; “I am just going to do one more thing!” What I am learning, very slowly, is that if I did not get everything checked off my list for Monday, I can do it Tuesday or even Wednesday!! That’s a leap for me, but I’m getting there. And then there is the gigantic leap; maybe I don’t need to do everything on my list!!! And the world is still rotating on its axis. Imagine that?
For individuals who prefer not to plan but rather to be spontaneous (a word I have difficulty understanding), stress is often caused by too many “have to’s.” Perceivers like flexibility, spontaneity, open-endedness. They tend to feel “crimped” by deadlines. If their work demands a lot of detail or tight deadlines, they will tire out under the pressure of too many deadlines.
Another way stress plays out and can be reduced or not as impacted is whether we are extroverts (the talkers), or introverts (the thinkers).
I am an extrovert. One of the ways I can reduce anxiety or stress is to talk about it. Expressing the anxiety moves it out of my mind, if you will. I often add humor to the talking out. It doesn’t necessarily eliminate stress but it does lessen it. Nothing like a good laugh to rearrange the inner energy flow. The image I have is: I set the “anxiety” on the coffee table and its “power” is diminished. Still there, but outside of me.
Introverts have various techniques. One is writing about the stress; keeping a journal. If it’s an ongoing anxiety, maybe using some form of art. I recently read a book how a woman would use “weaving on a loom” to allay some of her fears and anxiety. Obviously, not everyone has a loom. Many people find knitting or crocheting relaxing.
A fairly common option, regardless of our personality preference, is to go for a walk, take a bike ride or – for me – sometimes a car ride if it’s not rush hour. Breathing exercises are pretty basic. The breathing helps us to reorganize the inner energy flow. Some of you may be familiar with the chakra energy centers in our body. When we are tense and anxious, the chakra energy centers get “clogged” (my word), hampering the energy flow.
The other bugaboo, if you will, is distraction. And while computers and cell phones and talking watches are wonderful inventions, without setting parameters with these now-essentials in our life, they readily lead to distraction. Frequently distractions can cause harm, like driving and texting.
I am grateful that I had young children pre-cell phones. For us, cell phones arrived when our sons were in college. I find it disheartening watching little ones trying to get their parent’s attention and their parent is busy on their cell phone. Or you are at a restaurant and the kids and parents are all on their cell phones. No conversation. I even feel bad for dogs whose owners are busy on their phone while walking their dog.
Mindfulness classes/groups are getting popular to offset the addiction to electronics.
Centering and/or centering prayer are other suggestions to step away from too much screen time in your hand or on your desk. The distraction issue is clearly front and center. The good news is that each of us has the option to set parameters on how/when we will use our phones or dinging watches or ear buds.
As adults we also have the choice of stepping off of the treadmill and asking ourselves, “what is stressing me and what are some decisions I can make to reduce stress?”. We can always do some tweaking.
Am I noticing myself becoming more distracted? As an extrovert I think I have to be more attentive to not being distracted. We extroverts live in the “outer world.” We notice everything – at least, I do. Introverts live in the “inner world.” Perhaps introverts get lost in their “inner thinking” world. One of the exercises that I endeavor to do most evenings as the day is ebbing, is asking myself two questions:
- What was life-giving, energizing today?
- What was not life-giving, energizing today?
Not everything I do every day is always energizing. For example, I am at the post office and I am behind two people who need passports. Not energizing, but life happens. It’s not a daily occurrence. I’ve learned to bring a book! I never go to a medical appointment without my book bag. If I can read, I’m good.
Some things that do energize me:
Walking in the park, especially in the quiet of the morning.
Watching little ones play or toddle around. I love kids.
Being with people when I can just be myself.
Reading, of course.
Writing notes. I guess it’s the extrovert gene, but I enjoy writing notes, sending cards.
What drains me:
Overcommitting is the “biggie.” Our gifts are often our “shadow.” I know one of my gifts is “getting things done.” I’m a process person. So, without thinking it through, I take on one more “project.” Then I wonder why I am stressed!
As adults we need to be able to do the things we love that energize us. But we also have to navigate the normal demands of life that are part of living. That being said, there have to be some options for being energized, even if it is something small. We cannot totally lose the “me.”
Ask yourself:
Where/when are you at your best?
Where/when are you at your worst?
And adjust accordingly. No one’s life is perfect but we can’t operate on “empty” for too long without the risk of damaging our emotional spirit.
Happy fall,
Bridget
