By Greg Stephen
As we celebrate Father’s Day, I have invited Greg Stephen, friend and colleague to share his reflection on being a father and grandfather.
Bridget
Hear, O Children, a father’s instruction, be attentive, that you may gain understanding!
Proverbs 4:1
I am the father of two sons and have four adult grandchildren.
When trying to describe what being a father means, I think of what I have learned from my father and watching my sons as fathers. Each approached fatherhood in different ways, but with one constant – dedication and love.
My dad emigrated to Canada from Scotland in his late teens. In my early years, he worked as an engineer in Detroit and when the company that employed him moved permanently to Ohio, he chose not to uproot our family. Jobs were difficult to find at that time, especially for men over 40, and he ended up working the afternoon shift on a General Motors assembly line for the next twenty years. It was a job he endured but never enjoyed. What an important lesson it provided for me when I became a father of my role in contributing to the support and stability for my family. The years spent observing my dad taught me many other things. In a racially divided Detroit, I learned from him that racism was wrong and the importance of valuing every individual.
I learned to appreciate Celtic music from him, and the importance of maintaining a sense of humor. He was an excellent and energetic dancer – a skill that I did not learn from him, but one of my sons did. Most of all he was a gentle man who loved being a father and grandfather.
One of my greatest joys of being a father is observing the wonderful fathers my two sons have become. Both enjoy a closeness with their children and have shared values that have helped their children grow into adults each could be proud of. I have watched my oldest son share his interests with his two sons, from watching Tottenham Hotspurs Football Club games on TV and in person, attending concerts with them, flying halfway around the world to join them as they completed a study abroad, introducing them to other cultures through travel, enjoying trips to wineries, celebrating their successes, introducing them to his love for running and running marathons together.
I marvel at the wonderful job my youngest son has done as a single father of a son and daughter. He introduced them to basketball at a young age, transported them to practices, and attended every game as they continued to play from grade school through college. He drove them to out of town games from Wisconsin to Texas. But mainly what I see is his availability to them, their communication with him, and the way he has encouraged their independence.
In our later years, my wife and I are experiencing a role reversal as our sons and grandchildren begin providing care for us. At the beginning of the pandemic, we began a nightly Zoom session primarily so we could check in on each other, and four years later those Zoom sessions continue. I also think about my wife’s father who became a widower with eight young children, the oldest of whom was ten, when he was in his mid-thirties. He raised his young family with help from other family members while working full-time as a high school principal and pursuing his doctoral degree. He encouraged all his children to follow their interests and to pursue education beyond high school. In later years, he remained active after having both legs amputated, and he remained professionally active into his late eighties. I learned the importance of encouraging your children to be independent and follow their interests. Most importantly, he showed me the importance of remaining calm and carrying on no matter what obstacles life throws at you.
Greg Stephen has been a long-time parishioner at St. Francis Xavier College Church in St. Louis.
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